A new, previously unknown terrorist group in Macedonia has abducted 5 dogs and threatened to make them into "hotdogs" if their demands are not met. The group known as "The Macedonian Armed Revolutionary Struggle (MARS) has kidnapped a French Poodle, a British Bull Dog, a German Sheppard, an Australian Dingo and an American Collie (Lassie for f**k's sake!).
A statement released by the groups says:
These imperialist dogs will be butchered ... in a not very nice way ... I mean really bad ... but before that they will be waterboarded ... which ... trust me ... is not torture."I am a (journalist, politician, pundit) and I ignored human rights violations against ethnic Macedonians in Greece ... "
We demand that Greece be expelled from Nato and the EU until Greece make reparation payments to it's ethnic Macedonian minority for enduring cultural genocide for 95 years.
Greece's treatment of its ethnic Macedonian minority is the inspiration for every racist, every fascist and every ethnic cleanser in the Balkans!
We also demand a halt to the media cover-up of this oppression. All journalists and politicians who were too lazy to report on the struggle for human rights of the ethnic Macedonians in Greece, while they were farting around in the Balkans for the last 15 years, should confess, in public orgy of self-criticism.
Below is a list (in no particular oder), of the offenders. If you are a politician, journalist or pundit, who has covered the Balkans , and you don't find yourself on the list, don't let that stop you from beating yourself up or from kissing the ass (or donkey) of the first Macedonian you meet!
Robert Kaplan (granddaddy of all offenders)
Barack Obama (yeah!, you read it right the first time)
Matthew Nimetz (I'm really disappointed in you Matthew!) (more)
Christopher Hitchens (when you sober up) (more)
The New Republic ( I'm talking to you Franklin Foer)
The Nation (See Hitchens)
International Crisis Group (especially the head kargaroo f**ker)
Radio Free Europe
Edward Lucas (of THE Economist)
Canadian Broadcasting Corp (CBC)
British Broadcasting Corp (BBC)
Richard Holbrooke (more)
Kati Marton ("The Polk Conspiracy", Mrs. Richard Holbrooke)
Janusz Bugajski (more)
Timothy Garton Ash (hole)
Michael Ignatieff (you have fallen so far!)
Tom Lantos (okay ...I know you're dead now ... but try to make an effort anyway)
Matthew Russell Lee
Mike Rann (lock up your kangaroos!)
Georgie Anne Geyer
Rep Adam Shiff
International War and Peace Reporting (IWPR)
Theo Angelopoulos, Film Director
Jeannie Most, CNN